Sharing is caring!

 

 

Everyone has heard of self-esteem, but many people never go on to wonder what self-esteem really is and how they can improve it within themselves. However, this is something you can do that can hugely improve your life! In this article we’re going to talk about how to improve your self-esteem with psychology, so that you can start seeing the benefits of high self-esteem!

 

This method is based on the classic book ‘The 6 Pillars of Self-esteem’ by Psychotherapist Nathanial Branden. The book dives deep into the questions of what is self-esteem, why do we want it, what influences it, and what can we do to increase our own level of self-esteem? We’ll discuss each of these questions below.

 

 

What is self-esteem?

 

Nathaniel Brandon describes self-esteem as a reflection of how you view yourself. However, it isn’t just a feeling of self-approval or self-rejection. It’s the feeling of having the ability to handle the challenges of life, and the belief that you have the right to be successful and happy. You directly impact self-esteem with your actions in everyday life. For example, practicing self-discipline and living in integrity with your values will produce high self-esteem, and therefore greater levels of achievement and happiness. Whereas, acting in the opposite way will produce low self-esteem, and therefore will contribute to various psychological and social issues.

 

In the same way that you can’t have too much physical health, it’s impossible to have too much self-esteem. Traits like arrogance, which are often mistaken for too much self-esteem, are actually a reflection of a lack of self-esteem within a person.

 

 

The Two Components:

 

There are two components to self-esteem: self-efficacy and self-respect. Both are essential for healthy self-esteem.

 

Self-efficacy is a sense of basic confidence in the face of life’s challenges. Your capability to handle the fundimental necessities of life, and your trust in your own mind and judgement. So if you feel generally competent, like you’re in control of your life and have the ability to make things happen, then your self-efficacy is high.

 

Self-respect is what most people think of when they think about self-esteem. It is simply your overall feeling of self-worth. Having self-respect means believing you deserve happiness because you are generally good and inherently valuable. You treat yourself well and expect similar respect from others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Benefits Of Improving Self-Esteem:

 

 

• Whether it’s high, low, or somewhere in the middle, self-esteem directly affects your wellbeing. Feeling good about yourself is an essential aspect of living a happy life! On the other hand, always viewing yourself negatively will make it incredibly difficult to feel good day to day.

 

• Self-esteem creates self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, people with high self-esteem are likely to persevere when they face challenges and are therefore more likely to succeed, which will further improve their self-esteem. The opposite is true for people with low self-esteem.

 

• Self-esteem enables us to deal with and quickly recover from the challenges of life. This is why Brandon sometimes refers to it as the ‘immune system of consciousness’. This means that having high levels of self-esteem will also lead to high levels of resilience.

 

• High self esteem positively impacts every area of your life, from your performance at work to your ability to maintain meaningful relationships. The opposite is true for low self esteem. Your self-esteem can usually be read by other people in your actions, comments, and body language. So, if you seem like someone who thinks poorly of themselves, other people are likely to think this about you as well.

 

 

 

How To Improve Your Self-Esteem With Psychology:

 

 

The good news is that self-esteem can be improved! However, there are no quick fixes and you need to be prepared to take huge responsibility and action.

 

As mentioned before, your self-esteem is determined by your behaviours, and your behaviours are determined by your self-esteem. So, to improve self-esteem we must break this cycle and focus on shifting our behaviours towards those that reflect high self-esteem. Your self-esteem will then be positively impacted as a result and you will start a new cycle!

 

The book outlines 6 ‘pillars’, or behaviours, that should be focused on and improved in your life in order to raise self-esteem. They are: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity. Brandon points out that these pillars don’t need to be perfected, they only need to be improved upon for us to start seeing results. Then, as they become more habitual, they’ll become more a part of who you are until they are completely natural to you.

 

 

Sentence Completion Exercises:

 

With each of these pillars, Brandon recommends using ‘sentence completion’ exersices to help us see how we can better embody these pillars in our own lives. This is a tool used in psychotherapy and psychological research to facilitate self-understanding and personal growth.

 

For these excersises, Brandon provides what he calls a ‘sentence stem’ which are the introductions to a sentence. He then directs us to provide 10 ‘endings’ to each sentence stem, without thinking about it too much. For example, he may give the stem ‘To me, living with higher self-esteem would mean…’ and we would provide 10 endings that are true for us. The endings can be anything you like, as long as they grammatically complete the sentence. I will not discuss the exercises any further in this article, as you can read a much more in depth explanation, including the full list of sentence stems, at nathanielbranden.com.

 

Living Consciously:

 

Living consciously, or with ‘awareness’, is the first pillar presented in the book. Brandon describes consciousness as ‘the ability to be aware of the environment at some level, in some form, and to guide action accordingly.’ He encourages us to be deeply aware of our actions, thoughts, and beliefs and to be honest with ourselves about whether they are aligned with our values and goals. If not, we must be willing to do the work to adjust them accordingly. By acting acording to your environment, you’re consistantly making good decisions which makes you feel more capable and increases your sense of self-efficacy.

 

 

 

 

 

Self-Acceptance:

 

Simply, to be self-accepting is to be on your own side. Without this, no matter how effective and determined you are, self-esteem is impossible. Brandon describes it as choosing to ‘value yourself, to treat yourself with respect, and to stand up for your right to exist’. This involves self-compassion and being a friend to yourself. It’s also important to note that you don’t have to approve of everything about yourself to accept it. You should first accept whatever it is, and then go on to change it if that is aligned with your goals.

 

Self-Responsibility:

 

Self-responsibility means taking ownership of your own life, happiness, and wellbeing. You’re responsible for setting and reaching your own goals, for your behaviour, for your satisfaction with your life, and for your relationships with others. Brandon points out that this is especially important as improving your self-esteem is also your responsibility, and can only be done by you.

 

Self-Assertiveness:

 

When you are self-assertive, you’re able to express your wants, needs, and values in a calm and polite way, whilst also setting boundaries to prioritise these above other people’s expectations. Letting other people dictate what you do with your life will hinder your ability to reach your goals and live according to your own values, which will cause your to resent others and lose your sense of autonomy in life. This pillar goes hand-in-hand with self-responsibility, as you can’t really have one without the other.

 

 

 

 

Living Purposefully:

 

Living purposely involves knowing what you want in life, deciding how you’re going to get there, and then acting accordingly every day until you reach it. Rather than just drifting through life aimlessly, setting and achieving goals increases your confidence in yourself (self-efficacy), and therefore your self-esteem too. To embody this pillar, you need to create long-term goals, plan strategically, live productively, practice self-discipline, and adjust your actions according to feedback from your environment.

 

Personal Integrity:

 

Finally, when you live with integrity, you really understand your own authentic values and try to live in line with them every day. This also involves really thinking about where your values have come from and whether they’re actually helping or hindering you. Sometimes we carry values with us from the past that we don’t really believe in any more and realising this and then changing them can also help us to live with integrity. By not living in line with out values, we’re rejecting a part of ourselves, and therefore we lack self-respect which negatively impacts our self-esteem.

 

 

So there you have it!

 

Have a think about where you can improve upon these pillars in your own life and you’ll soon start to see your self-esteem building as well!

 

Unfortunately, this method is not a quick fix guide to higher self-esteem. However, as it’s rooted in the foundations of where real self-esteem comes from, it can give much better and long-lasting results compared to any self-esteem ‘tips and tricks’ you might find online.

 

That being said, you can’t just read about self-esteem and expect miraculous changes to your perception of yourself. Now you have to go and do the work! Check in with yourself every day to review how you’re going to alter your behaviour to embody the 6 pillars, either by using Brandon’s sentence stems (which I highly recommend), or just by reflecting within your own mind.

 

If you have any questions about this article, feel free to leave a comment below and I’d be happy to help you! Or you can visit nathanielbranden.com for more information on the topic.

 

Sharing is caring!